With my 30th birthday less than a month away (!), now is probably a better time than ever to get as much of my life, the story of my first 30 years, out there. It is important to me know and share where I have been and use it as a vehicle to drive me toward where I eventually want to be.
“A blessing that is improperly utilized becomes a curse.”
In yesterday’s post, I reflected on the positive things that have come as a direct result of my resolve. It would not be fair to leave it at that, however. I have always purposed to tell my whole story in my blog. My resolve, while generally a good thing, has been my detriment more times than I care to remember.
When I have a goal or a dream in mind, I see it through until its very end. I will be the first to admit that particular line of thinking has caused me to hold onto things far past their expiration dates. In many of those cases, the very resolve that has led to greatness in other areas has led to heartbreak and heartache in others.
I have spent a significant portion of my life waiting for girls with relatively little to show for it. I spent the majority of high school and a good part of college waiting for Jessica to give me a chance. When it was all said and done, I wasted five years of my life on that and then another 9 years on a friendship that was far weaker than I perceived. I wasn’t even viewed as important enough to see when I was in town. I spent the first half of my 20s waiting for Jannelle to get her life sorted out. It didn’t get me to where I wanted to be, but I was so afraid of giving up too soon that I held on for way too long. I spent nearly three years trying to get Kim to realize I was an awesome dude. Spoilers: It didn’t happen. She finally had to flat-out reject me for me to give up the ghost.
When I was growing up, I had a core group of friends with whom I spent most of my free time. I thought nothing could ever tear us apart. Perhaps I was naïve to think that time and distance wouldn’t leave its mark. Perhaps I should have seen the writing on the wall and cultivated another core group of friends while in college or at work. I did not because I believed that I could simply will things into not changing. I was wrong. When they moved away, it was really tough on me. If I had not been so resolute in my desire to keep things the same, I could have averted much of that.
I have spent a lot of time believing that my way was the right way and that if I kept on in the path that I was going, I would get to where I wanted to be by sheer force of will. Sadly, that is unrealistic and a faulty life strategy. As I near 30, I am realizing that my way may not always be the best way. I am learning that resolve is a good thing, but not in all areas. It’s important to know when to hold on, but it is equally as important to know when to move on. Moving on and quitting are not one in the same. In the next chapter of my life, I resolve to be better about my resolve.
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