2016 in Review

Even though my blog has spent the better part of the last two years in hibernation, some traditions are too important to me for me to just let fall by the wayside. I don’t know how much anyone else gets out of my “Year in Review” posts, but it has allowed me to both reflect on the year that was and eventually go back later for a reminder of how far I have come in my own personal journey. As usual, here’s a month by month rundown of my year with some thoughts at the end.

January: I made a concerted effort at the beginning of the year to be more social, and that is exactly what I did. From hanging out with Dan at the beginning of month to get me a working computer to finally meeting Shannon (from Florida) after knowing her for seven years, I succeeded in getting myself out there. The Seahawks were eliminated in the playoffs, but I wasn’t devastated.

February: I fought the winter doldrums by on a number of dates which ultimately went nowhere, which was fine by me. I went on these dates not because I necessarily had a great interest in any of the young ladies, but because I felt it was important for me to get out there and get to know people I wouldn’t necessarily come into contact with in my day-to-day life. The experiences gave me greater clarity as to what (and, more specifically, who) I want in my life.

March: This month was filled with some of my highest highs and lowest lows of 2016. In the middle of the month, I was unexpectedly informed by Prairie-Hills that my position was being terminated and subsequently that I would have to seek out new employment in the fall. I had thought I would be entering my first summer in 7 years where I did not have the burden of a job search hanging over my head, but that unfortunately was not the case. On the bright side, I was able to spend much of the month making special memories with people. I visited my friend Shannon (Peachy) in Minnesota, spent the end of the month with my sister, brother in law, and niece in Maryland, and finally met Kim in Pittsburgh (something that many thought would never happen).

April: When I got home from my Maryland trip, the reality hit me that I was fighting yet another uphill battle with my life. While I was able to distract myself with the annual WrestleMania party at my uncle and aunt’s house, a pleasant birthday and birthday Skype with Myrna, and a Cubs game with Dan and Merrill, I started to feel the pressure building up inside me. I began to work out differently in hopes that the change in exercise and the change in my body would combat the internal battles I was fighting.

May: For the first time in 1999, I took a sick day from school/teaching. I had what I thought was strep but what the doctor said was a very severe non-strep throat infection. All I know is that it was so bad that I voluntarily drank hot tea for the first time in my life. I ended the month by ending my tenure at Prairie-Hills and by taking a trip to California, where I finally met Tiffany after knowing her for 4 years and Ken after knowing him for 12(!)

June: Back to the job hunt. I finally met another Stickam friend for the first time after knowing her for 5 years. My great aunt Bernice passed away this month as well. While I was blessed to have had a number of job interviews, the pressure of not knowing my next step was really weighing on me.

July: I finally had two interviews that brought promise of the immediate future with them. While I was still waiting on word from one of the schools, I received a job offer from the other school and a 24 hour deadline to accept or decline the offer. I felt that I had to go with the sure thing and accepted a social studies teaching position at a relatively nearby school district. I went back to Maryland (with a stop in Pittsburgh once again), and while it was a pleasant time, it wasn’t quite the same experience as it was in March. Even though my immediate future was settled, there was still a great sense of unease that took over my entire being.

August: Honestly, I’m surprised this month didn’t break me. It started with a 5 hour argument with one of the most important people in my life. I thought I was going to lose that connection. Fortunately I didn’t. I also felt compelled to see the whole thing with Kim reach its logical conclusion. I knew how it was going to end (and honestly, I probably knew for years how it was going to end), but I needed it to reach that point for my own sanity as I was falling into a lot of old traps and bad habits. I started the new job and was very quickly overwhelmed, as things were not quite as I expected that they would be. There were all sorts of challenges that I had not anticipated. I had what would be the last conversation I would ever have with my grandmother, as her cancer worsened quickly.

September: Ahmah (my grandmother) passed away, which was tough for so many reasons that I honestly don’t want to go into (if I did, this post would probably span 20 pages). That was my first loss of a grandparent, and it hit all of us particularly hard. Work didn’t make things any easier, and I felt more tense than ever.

October: Things got marginally less stressful, but fortunately I had distractions to take my mind and thoughts off the challenges and loss. The Cubs’ postseason run and eventual World Series win gave me an outlet to lose myself in for hours at a time. I was able to go to Indiana to celebrate Whitney’s wedding.

November: By this point of the year, I don’t know that things got demonstrably better or that I simply became more tolerant of them because I could see the finish line in sight. I drove my parents to Maryland to spend Thanksgiving there, and we had a very relaxing holiday (without some of the stresses that holidays can bring…take that as you will).

December: I ended the year in one piece… maybe a little wearier than I started but still in one piece. The Christmas holiday, quite frankly, was unpleasant. It happens. I got to spend a good amount of time with my niece, however, and that is what I will take from this month. I also changed my hairstyle for the first time in two decades. It was time for a change.

2016 was not a good year. It seems as though that was the case for many. It felt as if every time I made any sort of progress, some sort of piercing loss or failure set me back a number of steps. However, unlike 2014, the year didn’t cause me to feel depression or despair. Eventually a sort of numbness or emptiness washed over. When I look back on 2016, I’m sure I will laugh at the absurdist comedy as it was. For now, I will choose to look at the good (the people I finally got to meet, the times I spent with those I love, the late night phone conversations, etc.) and focus on that which lies ahead. We survived 2016. Here’s to thriving in 2017!