If you read my last post (which you can always read HERE if you missed it), you can tell that there are a number of things in my life that are not where I want them to be. What I am doing just isn’t working. It’s time for me to take a step back to reevaluate and refocus. This post will hopefully allow me to do exactly that.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you’re reading this, there’s something about your life that you would like to change. If you’re anything like me, you are probably dealing with a whole litany of things that need to be changed (if only for the sake of your sanity). When it rains, it pours, and I’m in the midst of a torrential downpour.
One of the biggest traps that we (or at least I) fall into is letting problems in one area of my life seep into others. Around the time I returned from my layoff last fall, work has been exceedingly challenging. If I can be completely honest, this year has felt like a nightmare that keeps getting worse. The worst part is that most of the challenges are completely out of my control. Even if I do things to the best of my ability, things may not (and to this point have not) get better.
When one area of my life starts to falter, I try to overcompensate in other areas. As I said in my last post, I met someone about a year ago. For the sake of this post let’s refer to her as “Permacrush”, which is how I usually refer to her on social media. The worse things at work get, the more pressure I place on myself to have something in my life go my way. As a result, I place all sorts of pressure on myself, and in doing so, I place unnecessary pressures on her. By looking to her to be make every aspect of my life instantly better, I act in ways I normally wouldn’t. I say things that I normally wouldn’t (I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve looked at a phone and hated myself for the stupid text message I just sent). I lose sight of who I am and where I want to be because I have transferred all the other issues in my life into this one issue.
The fact of the matter is that there isn’t a universal fix, and I’m learning that I can’t try to find one. Permacrush isn’t going to fix my work situation. The ideal classroom isn’t going to make my relationships go exactly how I want them to go. Peak physical condition isn’t going to bring my friends back to Chicagoland. If my life is going to turn around, it’s because I attack each issue as its own separate entity. I need to find joy in the journey at work, even if that journey is riddled with pain and stress. I need to get Permacrush off the pedestal I placed her on and treat her like a person, not some sort of goddess. It puts too much of a burden on both of us otherwise. I’ve never been the greatest at patience, but if I’m going to make things work, I’m going to have to take it one day at a time, one battle at a time, one decision at a time. I can’t promise that I’m going to get there, but I can promise that I will take a different route than the one I have been travelling. There is no universal fix, and I can’t make one.
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