Finding a Reason

It is important to maintain an attitude of gratitude. Without that attitude, it is easy to become a malcontent, and there are all sorts of problems that can stem from a malcontented lifestyle. However, maintaining a sense of gratitude is not always easy, especially as your world is seemingly falling to pieces around you. How, then, can you be thankful?

Before I answer that question, here is a little bit of perspective. Though 2013 was the worst year of my life to that point, I was feeling particularly resurgent a year ago at this time. Though I had been laid off from my job and had a brief stint at a nightmare of a school, I finally got my job back. Though the final nails had been put into the coffin of my five year complicated relationship, I met someone who not only was everything I had been looking for but also was someone who gave me a reason to be excited about life. For the first time in a long time, I finally had a reason to smile, and I was smiling again.

Fast forward to today. It is not news to any of you who know me well or talk to me on a fairly regular basis that things have not been going well. I spent the past year trying to build upon the foundation that I laid last Thanksgiving. I am not being dramatic when I say that foundation has fallen apart, both personally and professionally. Due to circumstances beyond my control (professionally) and due to my own inability to ride things out and not act like a total fool who can’t help but trip over his own feet (personally), the past few months have been a nightmare from which I cannot seem to wake up. Every time I think things cannot get worse, they have. Things have honestly been so bad that I have had serious doubts about the success of both my present and my future. To be completely honest, I have strongly entertained the idea that I might never get from where I am to where I want to be.

With all that in mind, I anticipated that my annual Thanksgiving post would be rather difficult to write. I thought to myself, “With all that is going wrong, what is there that I am legitimately thankful for?” No matter what, we must find a reason. I realized that while things are far from ideal, I am still blessed. I have much to be grateful for, but two things in particular stand out.

First, I am thankful that my story is not over. I admit that I tend to struggle to see the forest through the trees. When I endure trials, those trials often carry a sense of permanence in my mind. What I forget to realize is that nothing in my life has remained constant. I couldn’t make the good times last. I couldn’t keep my friends from moving away. I couldn’t stay the course with Permacrush without messing it up. Those are facts. What I also need to realize is that the bad times play by those same rules. None of my trials need to be permanent. I have not made any mistakes that have put me in prison or left me without my physical or mental faculties. Yes, for lack of a better term, this chapter of my life may suck. But this book is not over. I am tentatively excited for what is to come.

Second (and equally as important if not more important), I am grateful to have a number of people in my life who not only think much more highly of me than they should, but who also refuse to let me give up. As I’ve said, this year has been tough. My confidence has taken a serious hit. But there are so many people who still believe in me, even as I struggle to find a reason to believe in myself. There are people who have sat and listened to me as I was on the verge of a breakdown who figuratively talked me off the ledge. There are people who have told me that being defeated was not who I am. So many of you have encouraged me to find a reason and keep going, that things are going to be alright in the end and that my day is closer than I think. I’m going to keep going, if only so that I can prove you right. You are my reason to keep going.

No matter what happens in our lives, as long as we still have breath in our lungs and hope in our hearts, we have to be grateful. I know it may seem tough at times, but all it takes is one easy step. Find a reason.