Monday, September 8, 2014

Taking a Look at the AFC



By this point, you probably know I like to keep my fingers in a lot of pies. While I use this blog primarily to discuss things I have learned and observed in my own life, I do also like to write about some of my interests. By this point (unless you have paid me absolutely no attention at all the past 16 years) you also know that I love the Seattle Seahawks more than I love a lot of people, so it is no surprise that I want to see them repeat as Super Bowl Champions. That said, I do have an interest in who I would like to see them face in the Super Bowl, and for your benefit, I have ranked them in descending order. This is by no means a power ranking and there is no scientific method to my madness. These are merely my opinions and preferences. This is meant to be lighthearted in nature, so don’t take offense to anything I say.

16. Denver Broncos: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No really, I do have the t-shirt of the Super Bowl XLVIII Lombardi Trophy that says the Seahawks defeated the Broncos by a score of 43-8. We learned that the immovable object beats the irresistible force, and I have absolutely no interest in a rematch.

15. Indianapolis Colts: Historically speaking, Andrew Luck has received significantly more love and plaudits than Russell Wilson. Imagine what would happen if he made it to a Super Bowl. Don’t get me wrong… I have nothing against the guy other than the fact that his laugh and facial expressions are absolutely terrifying. I just don’t want to see him in a Super Bowl at this point. Plus, I still have some ill will toward T.Y. Hilton after the Seahawks/Colts game I attended last year.

14. Cleveland Browns: As a rule, I generally prefer to root for teams that do not have a sustained history of success. That’s why you’ll see the Bengals and Chargers ranked fairly high on this list. I have no such goodwill toward the Browns. Johnny Manziel bothers me on a visceral level. Johnny Football? What sort of nickname is that? That would be like my coworkers and students calling me Jakey History or something equally as obnoxious. I want him to have a career that makes Tim Tebow seem like Joe Montana. I want him to get to the point that he makes Ryan Leaf look like Peyton Manning by comparison. As long as he is in Cleveland I will root against the Browns.

13. Miami Dolphins: There is so much not to like about the Dolphins. I do not like their ’72 alumni and the arrogant ways by which they carry themselves. I do not like the color of their new uniforms or the ridiculous font they chose to display on said uniforms. I do not like the fact that they still employ Mike Pouncey despite the fact that in many ways he was just as bad as Richie Incognito. I do not like that their running backs have always been wasted picks in fantasy football. Keep them off my TV, please.

12. New York Jets: The Jets are the embodiment of all the negative stereotypes that people outside the city of New York have about New Yorkers. Misplaced sense of bravado? Check. Delusional belief in abilities? Check. The belief that everyone can, should, and does care about every move they make? Check, check, and check. The fact that Rex Ryan is still head coach is a joke, as is the fact that the team reached out to that ridiculous blowhard in the fireman’s hat. Go away, Jets. I won’t miss you. I promise.

11. New England Patriots: Yeah, every few years they seem to make it back to the big game. It’s boring. I respect the abilities of Belichick as a coach, Brady as a quarterback, and Gronkowski as an insufferable moron, but I’m bored of them. They don’t have anything new or exciting to offer. A Super Bowl featuring the Patriots is too bland for my tastes.

10. Oakland Raiders: I’m not particularly concerned about a Seahawks/Raiders Super Bowl occurring since I was only a sophomore in high school when the Raiders were last relevant. I do not like the city of Oakland or their stadium. I don’t like that they still insist on signing guys who are 3-5 years past their prime instead of attempting a legitimate rebuild. Have fun in the basement, boys.

9. Houston Texans: My sister has an irrational hatred for J.J. Watt that I find absolutely hilarious. While I personally am ambivalent towards him and negatively disposed to Arian Foster, I don’t mind the organization and believe that last year was an aberration. They’ve got some work to do, but they’ve got a pretty talented roster that, when firing on all cylinders, is interesting to watch. A Seahawks/Texans Super Bowl could be fun at some point. Do I see it happening this year? No.

8. Buffalo Bills: Any of us who have ever come close to achieving a goal or dream and fell just short can empathize with the Bills. These guys lost 4 Super Bowls in a row, after all. You just have to feel for them and hope that they FINALLY get to where they want to be. Sadly for them, it won’t be this year….though if it was this year, I think I’d be okay with it.

7. Tennessee Titans: I’ve always had a soft spot for the Titans. Maybe it’s because my high school was also the home of the Titans. Maybe it was because of how awesome their uniforms seemed when they debuted in 1999. Whatever the reason, I don’t mind this team. That said, they always seem like they’re just sort of there, like someone who shows up to your party and you can’t figure out who invited them. While they’re there, they don’t do much of anything and nobody sees them leave, but you don’t mind their presence because they’re relatively inoffensive. That’s pretty much what the Titans are to me.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars: This team has pretty much become the Seahawks of the east, as their coaching staff and roster is peppered with former members of the Seahawks. That should make me like them a lot more than I actually do. I have a lot of goodwill toward the former Seahawks that are on the Jaguars roster, and I would love to see them succeed at some point. I’ve seen what it takes to build a team from the ground up. This team isn’t there yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it won’t take too long…

5. Baltimore Ravens
: I have a fairly positive disposition towards this team because of some friends who are Ravens fans. I also can’t wipe the smile off my face that came from Jim Harbaugh’s 49ers losing the Super Bowl because of these very Ravens. I would’ve loved to have seen Seattle’s defense face off against the Ravens and their defense of old. I still would be interested in seeing how these two teams would match up against each other in a Super Bowl.

4. San Diego Chargers: I should be ashamed to admit this, but I’ll say it nonetheless: I actually like Philip Rivers. There is something that endears me to him and the way he plays. He’s never seemed like he’s been blessed with the most natural ability in the world, but he makes the most of what he has and is pretty tough to boot. I think Mike McCoy is going to be an excellent NFL coach. Plus, the Chargers have only made one Super Bowl. I wouldn’t mind seeing them get back there.

3. Cincinnati Bengals: I think Andy Dalton is an extremely mediocre quarterback and that the Bengals only drafted him because his hair matches the color of their helmets and the accent color in their uniforms, but this is an organization I’ve always had a fondness for. If they can finally get over the hump and actually win a playoff game, I would be interested to see how far they could go. A Super Bowl against the Seahawks would be fun.

2. Kansas City Chiefs: Sometime in the middle of last decade I developed a fondness for the Chiefs. I like their dedication to running the football and their fanbase that in terms of passion is very similar to our 12th Man. I would love to see Andy Reid continue to succeed and for Alex Smith to state his case that the 49ers made a mistake in choosing Kaepernick over him. I think they’ve got a much tougher road this season, but if they got to the Super Bowl, I wouldn’t complain.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers
: Are you surprised? I bet you are. After the Seahawks won Super Bowl XLVIII, any and all lingering resentment I harbored toward the Steelers organization dissipated. I’m still not the biggest fan of Ben Roethlisberger, but I do love Antonio Brown, and the Steelers have an organization that has been dedicated to excellence and has maintained that excellence for the better part of 40 years. I would love nothing more than to get back to the Super Bowl and give them a little repayment for Super Bowl XL. Plus, I can only imagine the smack talk that Kim and I would engage in leading up to and during the Super Bowl. Come on Steelers. Make it happen.

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