I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Shan,
You deserved better. I was really tempted to limit this entire post to that sentence, but that wouldn’t tell the whole story.
Unfortunately for you, we met during a time period that I thought I was invincible. I believed the world was at my fingertips. I was riding high after completing college (and student teaching) and losing 62 pounds. I was on top of my world, and I was ready to make someone my world. You had the misfortune of me choosing you to be that someone.
You taught me a lot of things about life and about myself... probably much more than I taught you. I learned that there is a right and a wrong way to go about things. I learned that those right and wrong ways are person-specific. What might work with one person could lead to disastrous results with someone else. I didn’t understand that with you. I thought that I knew what you needed better than you did. As I type that out, that sounds completely arrogant, misguided, and delusional, but that is truly what I believed at the time.
I also learned the importance of riding things out. We had some good highs, but we had some really bad lows. I was young and stupid, and I thought that every minor squabble was the end of the world. I overreacted to anything and everything, and we fought far too often. I don’t think you would have had the inclination to fight if I hadn’t been so… me, though.
Perhaps the most important lesson that I learned from you is that there’s a time and a place for everything. April 2009 was NOT the time for me to take a trip to Florida to see you. You made that very clear to me, but I ignored that and did what I wanted because I believed I could not fail. Between you standing me up and me losing my wallet 10 minutes later, I learned that trying to force things in life would lead to my downfall.
After I came home from that trip, I felt like junk. I felt like junk for a long time. Everything I wanted had eluded my grasp. However, as I took the time to really reflect and examine the path I had taken, I realized that my anger was misplaced. I really needed to be looking at the man in the mirror (how’s that for an old-timey music reference?). The person you needed was not the person I was, and the person I had been was not the person you deserved. Even in a strictly platonic way, you deserved better.
It amazes me that we have still been able to be friends some five-plus years later. I’m thinking that you can tolerate me better in small doses. I do thank you for all the lessons I learned because you became a part of my life. I’ve always admired your hard work, determination, and complete comfort within your own skin. Maybe we’ll be able to meet one day without standing up the other. Thank you for being you, and thank you for putting up with me.
All the best,
Jakob
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