I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Pastors Doug and Scott,
Adolescents need good mentors. Even kids who grow up in a warm, safe home environment with two great parents as mentors need a strong and positive presence outside their home. I was fortunate to have two such mentors who, though very different people, both affected me in ways which I am grateful to this day.
Doug, when I met you, I wasn’t a big fan. I was a pretty sensitive kid, and I didn’t always get your humor. It amuses me that I was that way, since I treat the students in my classroom very similarly to the way you treated me! I will never forget the day I came to church with a bandage on my lip because I cut myself during one of the first times I shaved. You were merciless to me about it, and I got really upset. I held a grudge for over two years!
When I started doing things with the youth group again in early 2003, I was a little older and wiser and a bit less sensitive. I understood your humor and the way you went about doing things. I realized that you cared about each of us. From the moment I came back and started doing things with Stone, you made me feel like I belonged. You took an interest in my writing and asked me to blog for the youth group’s website. That blogging experience inspired me to launch my own personal blog, and I’ve been blogging ever since.
Perhaps the greatest lesson you ever taught me was your last sermon as youth pastor at Stone. The idea of hypomone was one that stuck to me and never left. If there was one word that could be used to define my existence (at least during the past 9 years or so), it would be that word. I have it tattooed on my arm, after all. That one message became more than a message to me; it became a lifestyle. Courageous resolve was not merely an option; it was a necessity.
Scott, you are one of the greatest people I have ever met, and I say that without any hyperbole. From the day I met you, you made me feel like I was one of your best and closest friends. You had this almost Christ-like way of understanding and reaching young people. Your caring nature enabled you get directly to the core of who each of us were, and you had a way of making everyone feel like they were your favorite.
For one reason or another, I never really clicked with the people in the youth group. I was shy and never really put myself out there out of fear of rejection. Yet I kept on going to the youth group. You were the reason for that. Why in the world would I leave someone I knew cared about me as much as you did? When I went through hard times adjusting to change during my freshman year of high school, you were the one who helped me through it. You helped me to keep on keeping on, and you made me feel like I mattered.
When I finally made the decision to leave PBC, you didn’t just sit and take it. You tried everything you could to get me to come back. You even took me out to lunch on your own birthday. That alone says volumes about the person you were and are. Though I ultimately decided not to come back, that gesture meant the world to me. When I started going to the youth group, I came for Becky Jackson. By the time I left, you were the one reason I kept coming week after week. Thank you for caring about me.
I wrote the two of you a joint letter because you were two sides of the same coin. Both of you shaped the person I grew into during my high school years, and the lessons you taught me ultimately helped me become the person that I am today. For years, I was dead set on having both of you officiate my wedding, that is if the (un)lucky future Mrs. Jakob Duehr would allow it. Not only did both of you teach me how to become a better person, but you also showed me how to make young and impressionable students understand that they matter. Please take credit for making me a better teacher and better person. You deserve it.
Though it has been years since I have seen either of you, thoughts and memories of both of you cross my mind often. Doug, I think of you every time I look at my arm! I hope our paths cross again soon. I appreciate both of you for who you are and what you have done for me and countless other young people.
All the best,
Jakob
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