I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Mom,
I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be a parent, especially a mother. You spend nine months with a living being inside you, and every choice you make is not made simply for your well-being but also for the well-being of the being inside. While I’ll never know the physical pains of carrying a child, I still believe that those nine months pale in comparison in difficulty to life with children once they’ve exited the womb. You want the best for them, but after a certain point, you can’t make decisions for them. You have to sit back and watch as they make decisions on their own and hope that they all work out.
Every parent has a vision not only of themselves but also as they hope and wish for their child to be. I’m sure that you’ve had a specific vision for me… how I would act, what I would do, who I would be, and the type of person I would be with. I don’t know how often those visions meet reality, though. I don’t always do well with meeting people’s visions and expectations for myself, largely because I have my own visions and expectations for myself. I wouldn’t say that yours are any better or any worse than mine; I’d just say that I don’t know how to be anyone or anything other than myself.
I’d be lying if I said we have been in agreement about everything over the past decade. We have different viewpoints on things. You’ve always been better at taking things with more urgency and immediacy than I am. Sometimes I prefer to let some things come to me, but thanks to you I have realized that not all situations are conducive to a passive approach. If you want some things, you have to go and get them. You are a more particular person than I am about things. If I had a dollar for every time you brought up the fact that I hadn’t shaved that morning, I would be a very rich man. But attention to detail is important. If you don’t take a close look at things, you could be missing out.
Despite the fact that we don’t always agree about things, I have never once doubted how much you care about me. Every time you’ve pushed me, it was to try to make me better. There are times you’ve pushed me beyond my comfort zone, and I was surprised at the things I was able to do. Deep down, I think you always knew I could do those things. You’ve made me better.
I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone as helpful or as motivated as you. If you want something and it is possible, then it will happen. Though Heidi and I sometimes joke about you overstepping your bounds, the fact of the matter is that you are good at what you do. You make things happen in a very quick and efficient way. I’ve always admired that. I don’t know if I’ll ever become the son you envisioned that I would be, but I hope that you are happy with the son that I am.
Love always,
Jakob
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