I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Ladies,
I can’t imagine it’s always been easy to be a platonic friend of mine. In fact, I’d argue that being a platonic friend of Jakob Duehr is just as bad as being a romantic interest! I wish I had the time to write long and flowery letters to each of you, but as the month winds down, please accept this as a token of my gratitude. If I tagged you in this letter, it is because I have a message specifically for you. You may have to scroll a little to find it.
Angela, you and Katie were the two closest female friends I had growing up. In fact, if I had written this series 5-10 years ago, you would’ve received one of the longest entries. You put up with me being me, which a lot of times was rather difficult. You were my Voice of Reason, and I would not have survived my awkward adolescence without your friendship, support, and advice. Thank you.
Thea, if I were to compose a list of my favorite people from the first 15 years of my life, you would be a lock to make the list. Many of my fondest memories of junior high occurred in Mr. Glasch’s class when I sat in front of you. Your Fitzpatrick wit and humor always brightened up a room. You accepted me even when I wasn’t the easiest person to tolerate. Thank you.
Alanna, our friendship took a nearly 15 year hiatus before it picked back up. For most people, such a lengthy hiatus would be a death knell. For us, it somehow worked. Though it has now been a good six years since we’ve seen each other in person, I can always count on your good humor to brighten up one of my Facebook statuses. I’m so happy for you that you’ve finally found what you were looking for, and I wish you nothing but continued happiness.
Amanda, you were probably my best friend at ONU during our time there. You made me feel like I mattered. We worked so well together in the classes that we took. My fondest memories of college come from our times in Dr. Tuttle’s class. You were a sweet person with a sweet spirit, and I always enjoyed being around you.
Laurryn, you were my chapel buddy during my time at ONU. Though I wasn’t always a fan of the services, seeing you every Wednesday morning was a highlight of my week. You had (and still have) a way of making the people around you feel at ease. I’m not surprised in the slightest that you’re a fantastic mother.
Danae, every social studies course we took together was so much more enjoyable because of you. You put up with my snarky sense of humor and kept me focused when I needed to be. Were it not for you, I probably would've sat quietly by myself in a lot of those classes. Thanks for being a friend.
Becky, it’s crazy for me to say this, but the one person from ONU who made the greatest impact on my life was someone I never met in person. I was so moved by your testimony that was shown on a video at chapel that I had to add you on Facebook. Our friendship flourished almost immediately. You were such a blessing to me at a time I really needed it. One of my only regrets during college is that we never had the opportunity to meet in person. You made me feel loved, and I will never forget that.
Melmo, you are the first online friend that I ever met in person. You were just as cool in person as you were online. The afternoon we spent together was one of the highlights of a somewhat difficult summer. I’ve always admired your willingness to be yourself and do your thing. I’m very proud of the success your go-go’s have had.
Cindy, you are the first Muslim friend that I ever made. I’ve always been so impressed by the way that you let it represent your life but refuse to define yourself simply by that. I don’t tell you enough how much I admire how hard you work, not only at school but also in your efforts to break down stereotypes and uninformed opinions. You have been such a great friend and encouragement to me these past 3+ years.
Trin, you are, at your core, an encourager. You have a knack for making people feel cared for. The video you and Ellie made for me before my first marathon is a memory that will never leave me. It made me feel that what I was doing mattered, and it meant the world that someone had pride in me. I know life has dealt you a bad hand at times, but I admire your refusal to stay down for too long. Keep at it. Your day will come.
T-Linds, I was a pain in the rear when we met. For the most part, you were patient with me. I'm so proud of how much you've grown the past couple years and how you've become more comfortable in your own skin. I always enjoy our conversations, no matter how much time goes by between them. You do a good job of making me feel loved.
Courtney, you are one of my more “recent” friends. We’ve had a number of conversations, and you’ve put up with me at my most annoying! I appreciate our ability to have conversations ranging from the serious to the absurd. I’ve always appreciated your honesty and patience with me. I hope I’m not too bad for a “Yank”.
Steph & Chelsie, you two are among the sweetest and most encouraging people I know. I can only assume your parents raised you well. Steph, I can’t say enough about how proud I am of how well you balance your profession and parenthood. I can only hope one day I can be a similar type of father and teacher. Chels, I am so excited for your upcoming delivery. You’re gonna be great.
Brandy, you blessed my life in a rather unexpected way. While you were in college, you and I worked together on some of your school work. I am a teacher after all, so it was practically in my wheelhouse. What neither you or I realized at the time was that helping you with that schoolwork was as much of a blessing to me as it was for you. By the time I started grad school, I wasn’t rusty despite the fact that four years had elapsed since I was a full time student. Helping you kept me fresh, and our friendship has always been something that I’ve valued. I’m so excited for you as you start this next chapter in your life.
Jess, you have the ability to make me feel good about myself. You’re the last friend I made on Stickam, and you’ve turned out to be one of the best. I am so proud of how hard you’re working to reach your goals. Keep at them. You’ll get there.
They say that behind ever good man is a good woman. I have had the privilege of having dozens of good women behind me as my friends. While I have not always been the person I wanted to be, I wouldn’t be the man I am today were it not for each of you. Your encouragement, guidance, and friendship has brought me from where I was to where I now am. I am eternally in your debt for that, and I hope that you know that your wisdom and strength of character made its mark on me.
All the best,
Jakob
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