A while back, I watched a video of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. reading a reflective letter he had written to his younger self. I was very moved by it, and I really liked the idea. Though I am still a relatively young man, I believe that I have learned enough over the past number of years to do something similar for myself. However, I am not merely limiting myself to one letter. Over the next year or so, I will be writing a few of these letters to myself at different ages, allowing me to reflect on my life in smaller chunks. This is a bonus installment of the series.
Letter to Jakob Duehr: To be received December 31, 2012
Dear Jakob,
This is from you, 365 days into the future. Normally I wouldn’t write a reflective letter so close to the fact (we try to safeguard against recency bias), but I’m making an exception for you. You’re going to need it. Before you read this letter, I have one warning for you:
You’re not going to like this.
2013 is going to be the most challenging year of your life. I know you’ve had bad years before, but quite honestly, they pale in comparison. 2001? Child’s play. 2010? That’s a trip to the Riviera. This is even worse than 2005.
You accomplished a lot in 2012. Quite honestly, it was impressive, though tiring. You’re already going to feel a bit weary heading into 2013. This year is going to start off on a very poor note. Things at AAA aren’t going well, though it has nothing to do with the job you are doing. Very shortly into the New Year, you will be informed that you are going to be laid off from your job. Fortunately, this does not happen, but it keeps you on pins and needles in fear that it will.
You will keep waiting for the year to get better and to turn around. You remind yourself of slow starts to 2003 and 2004 and how those years turned around to become two of the greatest years of your life. Yeah, that doesn’t happen. Every time you think things can’t get worse, they do.
Professionally
For your sake, I’m going to break up these bad things into a few different sections. Let’s start with your professional life. You honestly did a good job finishing up your first year at AAA, 11 of your 12 students will get to return to public school. However, that success puts you out of a job. You will not find out until August that you are laid off for the upcoming school year. You’re going to be scrambling to find something else. Shockingly, you actually get a few job interviews. You don’t wind up getting the job you wanted, but you’ll be offered a new job at a new school, which, given the circumstances, you accept.
That was a bad decision. You’ve never been a quitter; in fact, there are times you’ll be accused of hanging onto things for too long. But you cannot and will not succeed in areas that are designed for you to fail. This, sadly, will be one of those places. Your success at AAA is predicated on your ability to develop meaningful relationships with your students to create a family atmosphere. This school does not allow for that, and it does not require any modicum of self-control or discipline for the students. This isn’t going to work, and you’ll get out while you can.
After this, you will go back to AAA and work for free. That’s right. You are going to do much of what you did last year, but for no paycheck. Yes, it will be humbling. Deal with it. Good things and glamorous things are very rarely the same thing. Your patience and perseverance will pay off, as you will get your classroom back by Thanksgiving. You’re back to where you started, but it will take a circuitous route to get there.
Romantically
You might want to skip this part. 2013 will be THE most frustrating year for you in this regard. Some of it will be your fault, and some of it will not.
You’re going to break one of your own cardinal rules by pursuing a coworker. This is stupid. Don’t do it. You have nothing in common other than the fact you work together and are very popular with the kids. This will not end well. It does not end well. For every half step of progress you make, you will regress five steps. It’s an unnecessary distraction, and it’s something the kids will pick up on. The (very limited) rewards are not worth everything else. Don’t ever do this again.
JLJ will come back into your life. You two are each other’s boomerangs. This time, you think it’s finally going to happen… the long wait will finally end. Don’t be so naïve. Your assistant director will tell you, “Jakob, unfortunately the things we want and the things we need are two very different things. Sometimes, you’re just not meant to get what you want.” Though she wasn’t speaking about this particular situation, take those words to heart. Realize that as much as you care about her, the choices that she makes in life are ultimately hers. Love her through them, and do not be bitter if and when those choices do not end in your favor. Approach life with a surplus of hope and an absence of expectation.
You’re actually going to meet someone new in October. She’s pretty special. She’s a wrestling fan and a teacher too. Treat her well. Appreciate her, but also realize that the choices she will make are ultimately out of your control. Love and respect her through them, even if they do not result in favorable outcomes. Treat her well no matter what.
The Bitter Pills
You’re going to fall even more out of touch with the core group of friends you grew up with. In fact, the only one of them you will see this calendar year is Merrill. You can’t sit back and long for summer 2003, November 2004, or January 2009. You have to accept life for what it is and make the best of it. Stickam will shut down too, so you’ll lose that outlet for keeping in touch with people.
You’re going to deal with loss this year. Students you tutored, teachers you worked with, youth group peers, and very close family friends will all pass away this year. It doesn’t make sense to you, and it won’t make sense to you. If anything, let it be a lesson to you to treat everyone as if it might be the last time you ever see them. Appreciate everything.
You’re going to run another marathon. Unfortunately, the marathon occurs on a gravel trail after a torrential downpour on a 90 degree day. The poor conditions will result in you twisting your ankle around mile 16. You don’t quit, though. You will hobble those last 10 miles and cross that finish line.
The Silver Linings
I’d be remiss if I said the year was devoid of bright spots. Good things will happen. You’ll see concerts and WWE events. You’ll get a new tattoo on your birthday. You’ll see another Seahawks game (even though they’ll lose). You’ll actually get a medal in the only 5k race you’ll run all year.
Because of the frustration, you’ll actually start to lift weights at the gym instead of just doing cardio. Slowly but surely, you’ll get stronger and put on some muscle. You’re not quite where you want to be yet in that regard, but you’re getting closer.
You are going to finally get started on grad school. At this point, you only have a year left. The fears you have about being rusty will quickly subside.
Your sister is going to get married. That’s exciting. You’ll even give a pretty awesome speech at the reception!
Take these lessons with you. They’ll serve you well.
Nothing I have written can effectively prepare you for what is to come, but here are a few lessons to take with you to get you through this year and the future as well.
Work hard. Always do your best. Be a good example for the kids. Trust me, they watch EVERYTHING you do. Model good behavior for them. Let them know that nothing is below them. Humble yourself always.
Accept defeat with grace and humility. That does not mean to let things go with a whimper. Fight with everything you have until it’s over. When it is over, let it go and have a peace knowing that you did your best.
Finally, remember that not everything can be a clear-cut victory. Sometimes, survival is the victory. You have survived this year. You are stronger, and you have nowhere to go but up. I wish you the best, and most of all, I wish you peace.
All the best,
Jakob Duehr, 2013 Edition
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