A little while back, I watched a video of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. reading a reflective letter he had written to his younger self. I was very moved by it, and I really liked the idea. Though I am still a relatively young man, I believe that I have learned enough over the past number of years to do something similar for myself. However, I am not merely limiting myself to one letter. Over the next year or so, I will be writing a few of these letters to myself at different ages, allowing me to reflect on my life in smaller chunks. This is the second in the series.
Letter to Jakob Duehr: to be received February 16, 2000
Dear Jakob.
Today is going to be a pretty big day for you. No, it's not because you kicked a home run in kickball at recess. It's also not because you FINALLY unlocked Captain Falcon in Super Smash Bros (don't worry, kid... you'll get better at video games as you get older). No, today is a special day. You're going to look back on today as the day that your life really began, the day the "Modern Era" of your life commenced. Today you are going to meet your first adolescent crush. She is going to be amazing. She'll be the one to finally make you forget about your Beverley Mitchell pipe dream. All of a sudden you are going to stop feeling like a little kid and start feeling like a teenager.
I'm not going to spoil too much of your life in this letter. I'm only going to give you enough information to get you through the summer of 2001. Over the next year or so, life is going to be pretty easy. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. You're going to finish up your career at Stone on a high note. Cherish those days, because you will never like school nearly as much as you like Stone. Not only will you have that time at school, but you are also going to leave Christian Hills and return to Stone for church. This is a great thing for you, as it will bring you that much closer to Rob, Dan, and eventually Rex.
You just finished up your first year of basketball, and you worked your way up from bench-warmer to starter. I know how hard you worked to get to that point. I know that you wish that athletics came half as easily as academics. But you're going to keep at it, and you will get better. In eighth grade, you will start nearly every game AND be named the team's Most Improved Player. Good job, kid. You earned it.
Things aren't all roses, though. You're going to experience your first taste of heartbreak. Get used to it. It becomes a recurring theme for us. Later in life it won't always be your fault. This time it was. At this point, you still don't have much confidence. You're tall and thin now, but you still haven't grown into yourself yet, so to speak. After you fail with your first crush, you are going to start pursuing her younger sister. I shouldn't have to tell you that this is a bad idea, but we don't always think things all the way through.
The end of 7th grade will be bliss, but 8th grade will be challenging, not from an academic standpoint but from a social one. New classmates will test the bonds that your class made the previous year, and the increase of hormones will break the cohesion of the group. You will become frustrated with your classmates as well as your teammates on the basketball team, but you need to realize that life goes on, and nothing that happens at this point will have any bearing on your future.
This is the point of the note where I impart some wisdom to you to get you through the next year and a half. First of all, believe in yourself. Stop fearing failure. Too often you will sell yourself short, especially romantically. You always look at yourself as the underdog and don't believe that you're good enough for the girls that you are interested in. This lack of confidence will make you start to press and do silly things. I wish I could say you fully grow out of this, but at 25, we still do some stupid things every now and then. Don't block your own path. You're a good kid with a good heart. Sometimes you trust people a little too much. Don't let others make you bitter by their mistreatment of you. Stay who you are, because who you are is probably more awesome than you realize.
I don't know how this story ends. I'm still living and learning, but I do know what happens in the next chapter. I'll be there soon to help you through it.
Sincerely,
Your 25 Year Old Self
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