Find your other half. Make love happen today. Fall in love for the right reasons. Blah blah blah blah blah. Try getting through one commercial break without seeing a commercial for a dating site, a jewelry store, or a chick flick/romantic comedy. I don’t want to hear it, not because I’m some bitter hardened scrooge of a loser whose better days have passed him by. Without tooting my own horn, I know I’m a commodity. There are probably more people interested in me now than at any point in my life. I am both flattered and humbled by that. I don’t want to hear it because it displays a distinct lack of perspective. In order to get the most out of life, love, and everything in between, there are two things I believe you need to do.
Love others before yourself.
For the most part, we are inherently selfish and overly indulgent. We do what we want to satisfy our own desires and whims. Most of our actions are done from a “me-first” perspective. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to look out for oneself. Somebody has to do it. However, we take self-preservation and pleasure to extremes and become hypersensitive to our own desires. We need to become more selfless. We need to become as attuned to the wants and desires of those close to us as we are attuned to our own feelings. No one, regardless of their affluence, occupation, or attractiveness, can be successful in a relationship if their sole focus is on the self. Thoughtfulness and understanding is integral to building relationships at the platonic and familial levels, let alone at the romantic level.
Fall in love with yourself before falling in love with someone else.
This is not an argument for narcissism or anything of the sort. It is also not a direct contradiction to the preceding paragraph. It is, however, a fundamental truth when it comes to establishing and maintaining a romantic relationship. It is very difficult for someone to fall in love with a person who has not yet fallen in love with himself. The constant insecurity and self-second guessing is nothing but detrimental to the success of a relationship. On the other side, someone who struggles with love of self is going to have immense difficulty in displaying love towards a significant other. Before even considering the notion of falling in love with someone, fall in love with yourself. Get to know yourself. Take note of the things you like about yourself and work to change the things you do not. Once you’ve gotten a grasp on that, take note of the things you would and would not like in a companion. Stand firm to your desires and convictions, and proceed thusly. Don’t believe the myth of a “better half”.
I personally do not like the idea of an “other half”. I don’t want a half of a person. I don’t consider myself to be a half of a person. I am a whole person who wants a complementary whole person with whom I can form a meaningful connection.
The last thing I want to do is to rush into anything or have something for the sake of having something. My mother, bless her heart, has spent the better portion of the last three years trying to set me up with student teachers and coworkers’ daughters. I appreciate that I am considered “setuppable.” Yes, I just made up that word. But that’s not what I want. I am pleased with where I am and look forward to getting to where I want to be. I encourage you to do the same. If you don’t think you’re “enough” without someone, you’re not going to be “enough” with someone, either.
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