It is probably common knowledge that I enjoy working out almost as much as I enjoy making dry sarcastic responses to 90% of the questions I am asked over the course of the day. I enjoy going there to make myself better. It clears my mind and improves my body. I have spent a significant amount of the time at the gym over the past three months, and while I have been there, I have made a number of observations.
• While there is not a necessarily right or wrong way to work out, there are ways to work out that can make you significantly more toolish than you need to look.
• There is no need to grunt, scream, and moan at the end of a rep. You are not Serena Williams.
• Going extremely slowly on the elliptical 90% of the time and then at a breakneck speed for the last 10% does not make a good workout. It does, however, make a broken elliptical.
• Treadmills are like urinals. Do not take the treadmill directly next to someone unless it is unavoidable.
• Your workout may work for you. Mine may work for me. Please do not go from person to person extolling the virtues of your workout. You’re like the Jehovah’s Witness of the gym.
• Good workers at the front enhance the whole gym experience. Bad workers make it very difficult to enjoy the workout. Charter Fitness does a very good job with this for the most part.
• While I’m on the subject of Charter Fitness, I miss the Cardinal Fitness brand. Moreover, I miss the Oak Park Avenue location.
• Screaming at your son during his workout like you’re Bobby Knight does not make you the next Jillian Michaels, nor does it win you any nominations for Father of the Year.
• In general, the toolishness of the patrons of the gym is directly correlated to which portion of the gym they spend the majority of their time in.
• Charter Fitness Radio is absolutely awful. I could go the rest of my life without having to hear “Mony Mony” again.
• I am probably alone on this one, but I personally do not understand the appeal of working out with other people. It may be my lone wolf nature coming out, but I don’t understand the need for community during quite possibly the most individualistic thing I do over the course of my day. Working out only directly affects me.
• That said, always be cordial when running into an old acquaintance. Smile, say hello, and then continue on in your routine.
• Working out does not give you an excuse to show your awful tattoos. Some of those are best covered up.
• Despite being surrounded by people that say and do horribly obnoxious things, work out as hard as you can. Keep working hard, and keep getting better.
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