This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
After four and a half months, this series is finally coming to a close. I knew from the beginning of the series that I was going to end with a piece on expectation, but I delayed the writing of said piece until I had the proper amount of inspiration for it.
For sake of this piece, I feel it necessary to delineate expectation from standards. There is nothing wrong with setting standards, or desired results for a person or group to achieve in a specific situation. I would never tell any of you to stop setting standards. I even wrote a piece on the fine line between being a settler and being a malcontent. Go check it out when you’re done with this piece.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, expectation is an unruly beast. Whether we intend to or not, we bestow expectations on most everything: our behavior, others’ behaviors, how enjoyable a situation or event will be, and even the goings-on of that event or situation. Before anything happens, we inevitably play out a myriad of scenarios in our minds. We are often so consumed by our expectations of something that it completely ruins the experience for us. Instead of living in the moment, we internally choreograph the moment. It never works.
I have spent way too much time talking about my Florida trip, so I will not pile page upon redundant page on you. Let me state, however, that everything that happened to me was awful, but it would not have been as awful had I not placed unfair expectations on the trip. I planned to go to Florida and win a girl’s heart. Never mind that we had spent the greater part of the last month fighting. Never mind that she’s a bit of a flake. I burdened myself and the trip with lofty objectives and failed miserably.
Since that debacle, I have had the opportunity to meet a number of internet friends. I have clicked with some better than others. In hindsight, I realized that the best experiences were the ones in which I placed no expectations on the event. Taking the time to simply enjoy the company of a friend is far better than any dream scenario I could cook up.
This past week I got the chance to finally meet a young woman who I pursued (and failed miserably with) at this time in 2010. If I would’ve met her last year, I would have been burdened with all sorts of expectations for myself, for her, and for the experience and would not have enjoyed myself because I would have been a nervous wreck. Because I went into seeing her with no expectations, I had a great time, and that time spent with her lives on in my heart and mind as one of my finest memories.
It should come as no surprise that the best experience I had at camp was in 2004, when my expectations were at an all time low. On the other hand, my expectations were so high for my last year of camp (2005) that the week failed to even be enjoyable in the slightest. Expectation influences enjoyability.
I do my best work in life in the absence of expectation. If I create expectations (not standards) for myself, there is an increased potential for me to cave under the pressure. If others bestow expectations on me (and verbalize them), being the pain in the rear that I am, I do not respond favorably. I know that others have not appreciated the expectations I have heaped upon them.
I write all of this because I not only have gone to war with expectation, but I also refuse to believe in it. Setting standards are good, but setting expectations are not. There is nothing wrong with hoping for a desired result. We have our wants, and we should not deprive ourselves of such. To expect our hopes to come to fruition is naïve at best and delusional at worst. Reality rarely mirrors imagination – and that is not a bad thing. We are so desire-centric that we often fail to look at things appropriately. What is supposed to be will be. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy experiences for what they are. Live life with an abundance of hope and an absence of expectation.
No comments:
Post a Comment