It's Time For War, Pt. 5: Jakob vs. Past Dwellers

This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.

I’ll be honest. I can’t write this post without feeling the slightest tinge of hypocrisy, as I was once a noted past dweller, but it needs to be written, nonetheless.

We all do it to an extent. We fixate on a particularly enjoyable or profitable period of our lives. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Some of us only look on it fondly. Others dwell upon it, doing anything and everything in their power to recreate the magic of what once was. At times, it can be easier to focus on the memory of better times than stare the demons of difficulty in the face.

There is a major difference between reminiscing and dwelling. Reminiscing is done within the confines of the present. Even with those who pine for what once was are cognizant of the ever-changing reality of today. Past dwellers are an entirely different animal. They hold on to this fleeting memory to the point that they delude themselves and their perceptions of reality.

Past dwellers either refuse to acknowledge or refuse to accept two truths. The first truth is that things change. The world is always in forward motion, and there is nothing we can do about it. We get older. We find ourselves in new situations. These are things we absolutely cannot and should not try to combat. Very little (if anything) ever truly stays the same.

The second truth is that people change. It would be a lie to say that all personal changes are for the better. That said, people change. We are constantly shaped by our experiences and interactions with both the world and the people around us. Past dwellers have a distinct inability to accept this. They feel a sense of betrayal when it comes to the personal growth of those for whom they have fondness. Conversely, the past dweller always holds negative feelings to those whom they once felt negativity towards. Their minds are ingrained with the doctrine that who someone once was is who they always will be, and they can never look past it.

We all have our awkward stages. Some of us have them worse than others. I will be the first to admit my social ineptitude over time. In fact, I didn’t become the Jakob you know and tolerate today until 2008. It took me a long time and a lot of hard work, but I finally outgrew a great deal of the awkwardness and “creepy” tendencies. I admit they were there. I am not without my share of mistakes. However, I am not the same Jakob I was in 2000, or 2003, or any other year for that matter. As such, it is wrong to treat me or anyone else in that way.

I will also be the first to admit that I have done more than my share of dwelling on the past. I have had some very good years, and I have had some trying times. I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish things would revert to how things were in some ways, but that is mostly because I selfishly miss my friends and miss the stress-free life of a child. I realize that things are not and cannot be that way in the present. Therefore, I deal with the constant changes of my life as they come, accept them for what they were, and take the time now and then to reminisce.

So past dwellers, I declare war on you. I issue you a simple challenge: Grow up. Come to terms with the fact that you cannot compartmentalize people and things so easily. Life is complex, so stop being simple minded. You do not wish to be judged by your past transgressions, so treat others in like fashion. Do not cast judgment on what others once were, but take note of who they are and who they are working to become.