This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
Part of being Jakob, the "Greatest Man That Ever Lived", or "Mr. D." is encountering a variety of people in a number of settings. For the most part, I tolerate those whom I encounter. Some of them, I even like! Even if someone rubs me the wrong way, I try to make it a point to not dwell on it because I am not so arrogant to believe that I am universally accepted and adored. There is, however, a specific group of people that really set me off. I’m looking at you, one-uppers.
We all know the type. If you’ve done something once, they’ve done it twice. With their eyes closed. In freezing temperatures. While being chased by lions. They are the people who never seem to stop talking, and their topics of conversation are limited to themselves and their exploits. These stories range from irrelevant to grossly exaggerated, but that does not stop them from proclaiming their greatness and the greatness of their accomplishments to anyone within shouting distance. If for one second the focus is on the accomplishments of someone else, there is no depth they will not stoop in their attempts to re-divert attention in their direction.
I have come to the sobering reality that most of us fall into three levels of irrelevance. There are those who have done nothing of lasting relevance who are fine with that and do not aspire to anything else. They are content in their existence. There are those who have done nothing of lasting relevance, realize this, but continue to aspire to big things. They believe their time has not yet come, and they are very optimistic about making a mark upon the world. The final group has done nothing of lasting relevance, but good luck telling them that. They are so convinced of their importance to the world and superiority over others that there is absolutely no way you can successfully tell them anything to the contrary. Guess which one of these groups the one-uppers fall under?
For the longest time, I thought the best way to combat a one-upper was to put him or her in their place. This has led to a number of uncomfortable situations, and for the most part they were unfruitful. Sure, there would be times I would be successful in my mission, but most of the time I would end the exchange more frustrated than when the exchange began. The one-uppers would either be entirely ignorant of what I had to say or pleased that this sort of attention was given to them at all.
I do not concede defeat to these one-uppers, but I admit that my previous modus operandi to combat them was flawed. I played right into their hands. The War on One-Uppers is not over. I finally realize that by actively caring about this annoying and obnoxious behavior is pointless, and I am giving them exactly what they want. Instead, I am not going to give any attention to any such people. It’s attention that they are after. It is time to cut the head of the monster.
To any of you who are actively one-uppers, considering becoming a one-upper, or are unintentionally involved in the one-upping business, I have but one thing to say to you. Worry about yourself in terms of improving yourself and that alone. Do not worry about or compare yourself to others. Life is not a contest. It is a journey of self-awareness and self-improvement. At the end of the day, you are not going to be judged on how much more impressive you are than your neighbor. So shut up about it now.
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