Quite often I think about whether I am a “glass half empty” or “glass half full” sort of person. I look at my life and worry about whether or not I am a malcontent. (Mind you, I do not worry about whether others view me as a malcontent because I am not trifled by others’ interpretation of me.) The more I think about it, the difference between being pleased and being dissatisfied is not all that great.
Our satisfaction is related to the standards we set for ourselves. Those of you who know me well know that I have long lamented falling just short on the ACT. Had I gotten one more question correct I would have gained a full ride to ONU. Instead, I got a partial academic scholarship. The amount of money that I lost by that one question eats away at me on a fairly regular basis. I understand that the money I did receive is great. I really do. Don’t think that I am an ingrate. I simply set high standards for myself and am disappointed that I did not meet them.
Four years after beginning my collegiate career with a disappointment I ended it with one as well. I missed graduating summa cum laude by 8 thousandths of a grade point. Again, I am not intending to belittle those grades. I had an objective in mind and was displeased at falling short.
After reading the previous paragraphs, you may think that I am a malcontent. Let’s look at the other end of the spectrum. A little while back I was talking to a friend of mine about her new boyfriend. She proceeded to tell me a multitude of problems about this relationship, but she ended it with “…but I’m so happy with him.” I was shocked by that last part. I could not understand how she could be happy after detailing the things she had. It seemed to me she was settling.
When I thought about this later, I compared it to her previous relationships. Things in the past were not always very good. The problems she was having were nothing compared to what she had already endured in the past. Based on those things and her own knowledge of what she can or cannot withstand, she has formulated her own standards.
Our contentment is a product of these standards. Related to the “Confidence and Ability” post from last month, our ability (or the ability of others) often correlates to the standards we set for ourselves (or for them). Our past does as well. Based on who we are and who we were, we set standards for who we aspire to be. Based on our interpretation of where we are, we react thusly. Depending on our reaction, we can be perceived as either a settler (one whose standards are set too low) or a malcontent (one whose standards are set too high).
I do not believe these perceptions are fair. As long as someone is not telling others what their standards should be, each of us is entitled to our sets of standards. We are neither settlers nor malcontents. We know both where we are and where we want to be, and we will not be pleased until we move from Point A to Point B.
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