Thanks for slowly destroying me. Expect a bill later.

I should be happy because of how great a time I had at No Mercy last night, but I'm not. Somehow the only thing that could have brought down my spirit did.

For most of my teenage years, I had a bit of an inferiority complex. I was extremely self-conscious, and I felt less than people. Soon after I got to college, I realized "Hey, I'm really not all that bad", and things have gone better for me in that front ever since. Slowly, I am beginning to feel all that I have built up sink down. Have you ever given everything you have for someone, and intentionally or unintentionally, they make you feel not good enough? It blows my mind sometimes.

It blows my mind that anyone would stay in something that hurts them to hurt someone that really cares about them. It is almost incomprehensible to me. To not see your best friend because of fear of consequences, and then telling said best friend to take a wait and see approach to seeing each other, which could last indefinitely, is downright hurtful. And believe me, I'm hurt.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not good enough. I dress a certain way, I talk at a deeper level, I'm not as aesthetically appealing, and I have probably got under skin. I still don't see how any of that should go over the fact that I unconditionally care about this person more than anything else at this point in my life. There's probably nothing I can do, and it is slowly eroding me. I used to think that I had an firm and grounded hope, but I'm really not sure anymore... I'm beginning to think I don't know anything. Thanks.