Reality is a bitter pill, a crashing wind, and a refining fire

It could possibly be said that reality is the mean average of the sum of our perceptions. Sometimes, reality and perception are a ways apart. For five years, I lived in that imitation of reality. To make an example from The Matrix, I didn't take the blue pill. I wasn't ready to face the music but was rather content to live in false pretenses and illogical nonsense. In so many other areas of my life, I embraced the reality, but in my own romantic musings, I guess I never really matured. I never grew out of the adolescent, "Does she like me? I like her." sort of thing.

Tonight, I finally came to the realization that something I had hoped for romantically was never going to happen, and it made me emotionally nauseous. It finally dawned on me that I had wasted a good long time on something that was never real and never came close to being real. In that sense, reality was a bitter pill.

This evening, when being confronted with this reality, I finally presented my alternate "reality" to the person and was met with a harsh response. I was pretty much chastised for misinterpreting intentions and picking a fight. I realized that when false perception meets with reality, it is like two fronts converging, and reality hits with a severe storm complete with a biting wind.

Finally, confrontation with reality is not just a punishing experience. Looking at the big picture for what it is instead of what it might be or could have been is actually an invigorating experience. It is the sort of refining fire that improves the product, so when the work of reality is complete, we are completely transformed into real people living real lives. To end this now, let me close by quoting the refining fire moment inside myself:

"It was this illogical, almost idiotic hope that someday there could have been something though nothing lent to that notion. Even though you pretty much shot me down every time I tried, there was this little feeling inside of me that said, wait it out, because there was something about you that I had never felt before. And you and other people told me that there was someone else out there for me. And tonight for the first time, I fully realize it. So, I say all that to tell you good luck, I really mean it. Thanks to this, I can finally realize that there's something out there for me, and it's a whole lot better than I thought it was."