I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less

I have come to the point in my life where I have realized that I am not invincible. For a good long time, I considered myself to be well-grounded, focused, and deeply philosophical. While those things may be true in varying degrees, the real Jakob Duehr is nothing compared to the Super Jakob Duehr (or the J-Man that I created in elementary school), that I had in my mind. I have learned that there are some things I just can not do.

While we all have the innate capability to cause someone to hate us, whether due to chronic or acute transgressions towards them, an annoying personality trait, or just randomly, we can never make anyone love us. Believe me, I have tried with girl after girl. I became somewhat of a chameleon. I changed to what I thought the girl would like, but it never worked. I finally got to the point where I decided it was time to just be me. Still, even being Jakob Duehr, I could never make anyone love me.

There have been many places in my life in which I was a part of a community for a lengthy period of time. Some places I look back at fondly; others I spit at the memory. I was a part of a youth group for about three years during my early teenage years. No matter what I did, I never fit in. I always felt like an outsider, so I turned inward and really didn't talk. Most people didn't give me the time of day, and to the few that did, it never really developed into a deep friendship. The only redeeming quality was the youth pastor, but he couldn't make them love me. In looking back, for the longest time I wondered what I could've done differently, but I finally realized that I can not make anyone love me, and in that I find some solace.

I can not just do something well because I have the desire. Over the course of time, I've wanted to be WWE Superstar, Actor, Rockstar, NFL Player, and President of the United States without exerting any effort. While I will never, ever tell you not to dream, I thought I could do these things simply because I had the desire. I did not fully understand the meaning of Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I thought of myself as some sort of super human who could do anything. The meaning of that passage does not mean we are innately capable of perfection in any field without hard work. I have come to realize that I'll never accomplish anything of note until I buckle down, get focused, and take care of the everyday things first.

I can not get you to agree with me on every point. Dumbly, I long thought myself to be smarter than most; not in terms of booksmarts, but rather in a philosophical sense. I haven't lived your life; I have just lived mine. I can not tell someone what is right or wrong in gray or unknown areas unless I have lived through that situation. I used to think that if someone thought differently than myself that I could not be their friend. Yet it is respect and a love for the person without necessarily having to contain acceptance of their opinions and/or lifestyles that truly forms a friendship. The world is not going to be full of clone Jakob Duehrs, so I have to do my best to make connections with all the others and show love, compassion, and respect.

Finally, I can not help everyone through each and every problem or trial that he or she is facing. I am usually skilled (knock on wood) at being able to give people the exact advice necessary for them to get through a situation. I have been able to cultivate some deep friendships due to this God-given gift. Tonight, however, I was not able to help a close friend of mine through her bad situation. As much as I believed in her, I was not able to get fully through to her and let her know exactly what to do. And after ending the conversation, I felt really bummed. I felt helpless, and I hurt for my friend. But I finally realized that I don't have all the answers. I never will. There is only one who does, and Jakob Duehr is not that person.

So, there. I am not a lot of things. I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less. And in discovering my weaknesses and fallacies, I think I've made myself a lot stronger.