I'm better than this

As I begin the last three weeks before Jakob Duehr XX (which will be a yearlong celebration, mind you), I have thought about some things. Most of all I have thought about progress. Probably the two most common things I write about are balance and progress. Upon thinking about it, I realized that my progression has only been a partial one.

The past seven years I have progressed in more than a few ways. Physically, I have gone from 6'0 tall, 130 pounds to somewhere between 6'4 and 6'5 and 215 pounds. I traded in football jerseys for polos and glasses for contacts. I no longer run on my toes or have my voice crack.

As far as confidence goes, I finally got some. Probably a bit too much. I never thought I was good enough to be accepted by certain people or talk to certain girls. This lack of confidence caused some erratic behavior. I called a girl and hung up 30 times in a day. Yeah, creepy. I used to rely solely on online communication to "work my game". Thankfully, those days are past. While I am not experiencing any sustained success, minor victories have provided me with something to build on.

I began my teenage years in 7th grade at the Stone Church Christian Academy. I progressed through there while keeping my core group of friends and moved on to Tinley Park High School. While that experience was certainly tumultuous, I learned some valuable lessons by falling on my face, and all in all, I'd have to say my time there was a success. Now I am at Olivet Nazarene University, and I really don't have much longer there, either. I have gone from awkward adolescent to a stone's throw away from moving on to my career. I guess you'd call that progress.

For all this progress I've made, there has been one major impediment. It all stems from my desire to hold on to the past. I recently purchased some DVDs that were relics of my childhood. I have constantly tried to keep a connection with girls I was interested in during my younger days because I have held out the hope that they'd finally give me a chance. I live in the current with one eye looking in the rear-view mirror. But today I had an epiphany. It is an epiphany that I believe will produce progress for anyone who experiences it.

This epiphany was a short little phrase: "I'm better than this." For so long, I felt that I needed to wait for things just in case. I don't need that. I am nobody's backup plan or insurance policy. I am better than that. I don't need to ponder what once was or what could have been continually. It is behind and below me. Life is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. I am tired of holding myself down for that fleeting hope or that relic of what once was. I'm better than that, and I have finally come to that realization.

When I say "I'm better than this", I'm not asserting that I am some sort of supernatural being or ultimate human. We are all better than this. The things that hold us down we can grab by the neck and choke the life of. We are so much better. There is no way we can make progress if we never come to the realization that the things that tie us down do not have to and are not permanent. I'm better than that, and so are you.