This Fire Still Burns

This is my second blog of the night, and it's probably more upbeat than the other blog.

To those who have known me as of late, I have probably seemed extremely calm and without any sense of urgency. A competitive edge has been absent as well. Some would probably go so far to say that I need to be checked for a pulse. So the question could be posed: Has Jakob Duehr lost his fire? The answer to that, after a careful amount of introspection, is no. In explaining that answer, I will give you a little bit of insight into some of my current philosophies.

Unlike the Jakob Duehr of a few years back, I see no need to publicize every aspect of my life. I realize that through blogging I let the entire world of the internet get a little glimpse into my life. Quite honestly, these blogs don't scratch the surface of the sum total of my life and desires. Therefore, though my feelings are not verbalized, they are still existent.

As far as urgency goes, I will admit that I have lost that. I believe that things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Pushing the issue sometimes leads to disastrous results. All my problems my last two years of high school were the results of pushing issues. If you have ever heard me say or seen me write "In due time, I'll take what's mine", that's my way of saying I'll let things happen when they are supposed to.

Concerning the issue of a competitive edge, I would not go so far as to say my competitive edge is gone, but rather that I have rechanneled it. I don't care as much about beating someone else as much as doing better than what I have done in the past. I've had enough success in my life. From 1993-2001, pretty much everything I laid my hands on was a success. I'm not saying that to exalt myself; I'm just saying that I was blessed, and it's time for others to get their glory. I have had enough to last me for a good long time. As long as I'm making progress, it's a victory for me.

Personally, I have even joked that I need to be checked for a pulse. Unfortunately, part of the reason for that is because I don't lead as active of a life as I probably should. I'm around 20 lb. above my ideal weight, and I don't exercise near enough. I have experienced enough "bitter pills" to appear outwardly unfazed by what has gone on around me. While I am extremely calm these days, I am not as dead to the world as others probably view me.

I am still affected by things; though I have grown in myself enough not to be as bothered as I used to be. I have enjoyed this period of being laid back, and I don't think I will stray too far from it. However, to those who are wondering, this fire still burns, and it's gonna cause something exciting.